Real Beauty

I want to talk about beauty for a little bit, and I want to be totally transparent and honest as I do so. I have struggled my whole life with seeing myself as something beautiful that God created and truly worthy of the word "beautiful". I have gone from eating my insecurities, to starving myself in the name of eliminating the insecurity. I've had people criticize me for not being thin enough, and many many people criticize me for being too thin. I've had mild to moderate acne my whole life, never enough to take drastic measures, but enough to not remember a single day when I was zit free. I've been a health freak vegetarian that works out, to a lazy, eat whatever is cheapest kind of girl. I also have a really bad habit of chopping every last inch of my hair off, which definitely has not aided me in my desire to feel feminine and pretty. And although I have put myself through all this for most of my life, it breaks my heart every time I see another absolutely beautiful girl treating herself as if she isn't inherently beautiful, as if she has a million and one things to prove until she deserves "beautiful".

What do you think makes someone beautiful?

At the risk of sounding totally cliche, I think beauty is a heart issue. Loving yourself is beauty. When you love yourself, you love others better. When you love yourself, you can love others simply to love them, instead of loving them so you can get some love back. When you love yourself, you want to treat your body well by eating healthy (both food and the amount of food) and being active. When you love yourself, you want to treat your skin well, keeping it clean and well moisturized. Beauty doesn't come in the form of makeup, hair colors and styles, the size and shape of your clothes, and definitely not in a lack of clothes. Because none of those things are showcasing you as the beautiful person that you are. When you love yourself, you want to do things that make you happy, which leads you to being passionate about something, which makes you beautiful. Your passions are outlets to utilize the characteristics that are beautiful about you. Loving yourself gives you absolutely no excuse to be mean to others. Loving yourself motivates and empowers you to help others love themselves. That is what makes someone beautiful.

When do you feel most beautiful?
I feel the most beautiful whenever I am doing something I am passionate about. Be it painting, doing photography, reading or really enjoying my education, or simply living missionally for God. Whenever I am doing something that I love, that I can accomplish to the best of my ability, with my whole heart, I see the purpose God has for my life. I see the reasons why He created me, and that makes me feel like the beautiful hands of God that I am. That we all are.
 

How do you deal with the pressure for body perfection in our culture?
This is something I have struggled with a lot. As I discussed earlier, I went from being slightly bigger than other girls my age at the beginning of highschool, to being way too much smaller than other girls my age, to finding my healthy weight and struggling to be happy with that. I also find myself trying to use clothes, makeup, and my hair to feel beautiful and that simply doesn't work. Cute clothes are only fun to wear whenever I am comfortable with my body. Makeup is only fun and expressive whenever I am comfortable in my skin (otherwise it just feels like something I am hiding behind instead of shining through), and new hairstyles aren't a fun change whenever you aren't confident in yourself. Seeking perfection only makes you miserable and leaves you feeling inadequate. Loving yourself for who you are makes you feel beyond worthy of "beautiful".
 

If you could give your younger self advice about beauty, what would it be?
Stop caring what everyone else thinks; stop seeking acceptance from everyone else; treat yourself with all the respect, care, and love that everyone deserves..even you. Don't seek happiness by pleasing others; make yourself truly happy by doing the things you are passionate about.

What’s your one, can’t-live-without-it beauty product?
Hmmmm, mascara. Coats and coats of mascara.


Who is your beauty role model?
My boyfriend. Because on those days whenever I let self degradation take over and convince me that my physical flaws deem me unworthy, he holds my hands and looks into my eyes and tells me I am the most beautiful person in the world. He reminds me of the true reasons why I am beautiful.

over and out.

All Over The Place

Okay, I am posting as a simple distraction from studying for my final final of this semester, this year, and the first half of my college undergraduate carreer. Also, on this mile marker of a day, I worked my first day at a real office, after driving downtown in eight o'clock traffic, for real 9-5 hours, with a real break room, wearing real work clothes, with real co-workers while doing real (assistant) work. Now, yes, I have been working for my Dad since January in a real office. But, as a new business starting, I mostly get to file things, answer phones, and make excel spreadsheets. I don't have co-workers there, and unless my Dad is there doing some phone calls and/or having business conversations with me than it is me, myself, and I. Also, I normally work 3/4 days and only three days a week. Next week, I will be working 40 hours a week a.k.a. FULL TIME. A couple days a week I will be assisting downtown, where I was today. The other days, I will be in my dutiful position at my dad's office. Why might I be working full time? I have three reasons. 1. Experience, 2. I need to save up some serious $$$ before flying off to France, and 3. I have really come to thoroughly enjoy the time I have got to spend with my dad while working for him.

Anyways, back to this mile marker. I woke up this morning, worked a 9-5, and earned as much as a typical living as any average American does in a day. But, then I have to come home and study Art History. Oh yeah, Taelor, you are definitely still in college and not a grown up. It made me both appreciate college and loathe it at the same time. I get much more sporatic free time in between all my classes, work, and homework. But, a real job, for the most part, gives you a guaranteed 5 p.m.- 9 a.m. break every day with a guarenteed two day weekend once a week. Stability is the first word that comes to mind, but then comes repetitiveness. I am not sure if I am ready for that yet. Good thing I still have two more years of undergraduate and three (+) years of law school...


I am trying to pull a life-transforming lesson out of this, but I am too distracted right now. Time to study.

over and out.

random inspiration

Okay, so the post before last was all about the art benefit that my college small group is throwing on June 4. (Email me if you are interested in coming and I'll send you an invite with all the details) Anyways, as I was trying to go to sleep last night, the inspiration for my pieces that I will be painting just popped in my head. Then I proceeded to get more and more excited and had an even harder time falling asleep. I just have the concept in my head and did a few test sketches, but I am pretty solid on what I am doing. I don't want to give too much away, but it definitely involves some techniques I have never tried before, so hopefully I can pull off what I have imagined in my head. I haven't pinpointed what I want to use as my subjects, nor have I decided a color scheme. I am leaning towards things objects that can be black and white yet still have plenty of detail. I will be using photographs, wheat pasting, and acrylic paint on canvas. Right now I think I am leaning towards bicycles for one and an elephant for the other, but musical instruments would work well too. Maybe a bird... I don't know. This post is kind of lacking a solid point, but whatever :)

I'll be posting more information on the benefit soon!

over and out.

Dream Job.

If I could drop out of college and be a full time photographer, I wouldn't. I would finish school, BUT then I definitely would be a full time photographer. I would also totally love doing professional makeup, but that's a whole other year or two of school, which costs money. To be a full time photographer, all I need is a newer, more professional camera (mine is four years old), and one or two nice portrait lenses. That should only set me back about... $3000- $4000, not including updated photoshop (I have the original Lightroom). So, I definitely don't see that happening anytime soon. But, as a free-lance part-time photographer, I am pretty content. Here's a couple pictures from my Senior Portrait Session today...

It certainly helps that Catherine is beautiful...

over and out.

Speechless.

This blog is going to be long, so bear (bare?) with me. Also, I am nearly shaking with excitement as I type this and I might be all over the place.

First, let's go back to my junior year of highschool. I had just spent a couple weeks of my summer at debate camp. The topic that year was about how to increase public health assistance to Africa. My partner and I's topic was on female genital mutilation, which was one of the horrific things I studied day after day and debated over weekend after weekend. Others included things such as black market abortions, child soldiers, and sex trafficking. I found my heart absolutely breaking as I learned more, and I found myself desperate to do something. I tried to attempt a massive event on my own, and unfortunately when I hit some obstacles, my 16 year old idealistic self was left defeated. The summer between my junior and senior year, I found myself specifically attached to sex trafficking. I read books, did research, and realized that God had put this pain on my heart for all the victims trapped in the underground world of brothels and forced prostitution. My heart aches for justice for these women, and that desire lead me to pursue pre-law so that one day I can really make a difference through international law. I have been in college now for two years, for a total of about 20 different classes, in which almost every single one of my research papers and presentations have been over something to do with sex trafficking. I am in no sense an expert, but I know enough after four years of research to break my heart every single day.

Let's go back even further to whenever I was little. I adored painting, drawing, sewing, sculpting, and making jewelry with my grandmother. At the time it was just something fun to do, but little did I know that it sparked a passion for art in my heart. My mom gave me an old polaroid camera when I was little and I would go take pictures of my friends, simply because I was in awe of the process of instantly printing images. I was by no means creative with my child photography, but it's still something I can look back on now and see how I ended up where I am today. I took art all through highschool and was so very close to going to college for art and photography. My senior year, I learned just how much I love painting and really developed. I wasn't outstanding or anything, but I grew a lot as an artist that year. Unfortunately, once college started, I simply did not keep up my creative outlets. The only thing I continue to do is photography, if only because it's not as time consuming as painting or drawing. I want art back in my life!

Okay, back to the present. I am part of an incredible small group for college students and young 20-somethings that is affiliated with an incredible church in south Austin. I am nothing less than incredibly blessed. Our small group is uniquely talented, filled with artists, photographers, musicians..all who have a huge heart for Jesus. Our church has a partnership with an organization in Haiti called HELP or Help End Local Poverty. Our church as a collective helped to build an orphanage and sponsor every single child in that orphanage. And that's awesome and incredible, but God's work isn't finished. There's the issue of older children that grow out of the orphanage being at a huge risk of being sucked into the human trafficking monster. So, what we are now doing is helping to build homes for these at-risk youth, sponsering them until they can get jobs, and even providing some jobs in the process. Each home will hold three people and a "house mom" and the best part about it is how affordable it is! One home only costs $5,500. That's a tiny $1,800 to save one child from being bought and used and tortured for who knows how long.

Well, our small group of around 12 twenty-somethings have made the commitment to build one of these homes. After the home is built, we will be able to see the house on google maps, visit the youth who live there, and develop relationships with them over time.

The first thing, we as a small group have decided to do to raise the money is by organizing a benefit. We are having a silent auction at Domincan Joe's on June 4 that will showcase awesome artists, including art from the artists in our small group. Every single penny spent will go towards the house. We will have a band there, organized by the worship leader of our church. We will (hopefully) have the director of HELP, all the way from Haiti, there to talk a little bit. Domincan Joe's offered to donate a percentage of the proceeds from the night. Wow, I am so blown away by how this is all coming together and how generous everyone has been helping out a group of young kids. God really is great, and will help you when you do His work!

I am not positive on all of the artists that will be featured there just yet, but I do know one who has been EXTREMELY generous and great with giving us not only priceless advice, but is donating a couple of his own pieces that are truly collectibles. I also know that from my small group, Bethany and Levi, Marie, Taylor, and myself will be donating two pieces each. But I am sure you guys would like to hear more about Ty Clark.

I totally encourage you guys to go look him up and learn more, but I will give you a short synopsis. He currently is the founder of Veritas, an apparel brand worn by Ed Westwick (Chuck of Gossip Girl) in the December issue of Cosmo, Sophia Bush, and other celebrities. Here's their project statement and some of their apparel that I personally like!

The Veritas Project is created to support humanitarian efforts across the globe. At the heart of Veritas is a deep burning passion for culture and community. We believe that in every form of art there is healing for the soul. Veritas gives 20% of our profit to support a number of humanitarian causes.

 

Ty is also an outstanding artist that I would love to have a collection of his pieces. I am not going to try to explain them, because I surely would do his work a great injustice. To find more of his work, look him up under his artist name "SAMO4PREZ" Take a look..

 

 

and my personal fav...

 

I am beyond honored and excited to have my own work displayed in the same benefit as his. Wow...

Anyways, that is just ONE of the artists donating pieces to be auctioned off for the home in Haiti. I'll do another post whenever I have a solid list of all the artists.

I am going to be totally transparent right now and let you guys know how special this is for me personally. I started crying whenever I talked to Ethan about this, but this cause, this specific benefit.. it really is everything that I am passionate about wrapped up into one cause. God, Justice, Service, Community, Art. He absolutely will use you and your specific gifts to honor His Kingdom if you put your whole heart into it. Even if you put your half heart into it, He'll spot you the other half. I have spent the last two years of my life going back and forth wondering if I made the right decision to not pursue art, but I realize that I was wondering the wrong thing. I should have been praying, asking God to show me how to use all of my passions as a tool for His Glory. 

Now I just need to finish finals and start my pieces... (and do my part of the organization of the benefit!)

Ephesians 2:10

 "For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago."

1 Corinthians 15:58

"So, my dear brothers and sisters, be strong and immovable. Always work enthusiastically for the Lord, for you know that nothing you do for the Lord is ever useless."

Romans 12:2

"Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect."

over and out.

Beyond Excitement.

Okay, I am beyond excited, but I am also beyond exhausted so my awesome news is going to have to wait :)

I will give you guys a hint though.... it involves art, music, coffee, and eliminating sex trafficking in Haiti.


I'll be posting details tomorrow :)

over and out.

Plan: Packing Smart

Okay, so I am a little addicting to shopping, but other than a few things from Forever 21 the other day, I have not shopped at all since I started saving for France. I almost feel silly shopping now, since I don't really need any more summer clothes, and I need to pack very deliberately for France. Instead of shopping, I decided I would kind of come up with a tentative To Pack list of all the things I think I will need when I go to France. This list has rules though. They must be already owned, inexpensive, or absolutely necessary for the trip. They must not take up too much space in luggage. They must be versatile. And, I must be able to ride my bike or walk long distances while wearing it. The last rule isn't necessarily a rule, but something to definitely keep in mind. French people dress up way more than people in the U.S., therefore the clothes I take need to look nice and like I spent time putting together an outfit. I put together a grouping of clothing basics that should end up being what I pack. I used Zara and H&M (inexpensive trendy clothing stores available both in the U.S. and Angers) as my sources.

Not pictured: Some basic white, black, brown, gray, and navy shirts and cardigans. Also, multiple pairs of black, dark gray, and white tights and socks. Also, obviously undergarments and PJs.

Dresses/ Jumpsuits:

 

Dresses and jumpsuits are going to be my best friend both in packing and picking out outfits in general. You get an entire outfit in one garment which takes up way less room in a suitcase than a multiple pieced outfit. I already have quite a few dresses, but I'll probably use some of my pre-departure shopping fund to get a couple more. These will be great on days when I am sick of wearing basics and want to feel a little more dressed up.

  
Pants:

I basically live in jeans, but unfortunately they are the most bulky of all every day clothing items. Realistically, I should only need one good, simple, dark pair of jeans to get me through the semester. I think that having a non-jeans pair of pants are essential. Especially a pair that are a little more comfortable than skinny jeans. The last thing are black leggings. The perfect alternative to sweat pants and nike shorts, these will get me through the "I want to wear my pajamas to class" days. These three basic bottoms will match all of my neutral tops and cardigans.

Coats:

 

The weather in Angers is going to be quite different than here in Austin. It will be pretty in the fall, good for dresses and cardigans. But, as winter approaches, it will get chillier faster and stay colder consistently. A nice basic coat is definitely an essential. Also, apparently it can get pretty rainy in Angers, and since our means of travel will be walking, biking, and waiting for buses, a good raincoat with a hood is needed. Unfortunately, this is something else I will need prior to going (or something I should buy there). The coats I have now are all cheap and not sufficient for consistently cold weather. I also do not own a single raincoat.

Shoes:

I have way too many shoes and as a result, I rarely wear them all. The shoes I tend to wear over and over are my brown sandals, black flats (great with the tights and leggings), and my brown leather boots. I will need a good pair of rain boots as well as a simple, everyday winter shoe. (The white lace ups) And, no, I don't think I will be bringing any heels. I do not wear them regularly enough now to justify the space they would take up in my luggage, and if I find myself really needing a pair, I am sure I can find an inexpensive option in Angers for the occasion.

Bags:

 I also have quite a few bags, but to be honest, I only use two on a regular basis. A small brown over the shoulder purse and a larger carry-all type bag. The small one holds all things important, wallet, keys, etc.. and the larger one can carry my school books, my groceries, etc..

Accessories:

 These are the things that are usually the least expensive and take up the least amount of room in a bag. They also happen to be the things that make an outfit fashionable. Something as simple as a pretty scarf or a cool belt layered over basics adds another dimension to an otherwise flat ensemble. To relieve my fashion itch without breaking the bank while I am in France, I'll probably allow myself to purchase these types of items, providing some French trends to my wardrobe. Also, jewelry is something I think of as unessential to a great outfit, but also something I could find while traveling for good prices.

All in all, this adds up to being about 30-40 pieces. This isn't bad at all for a four month trip and can easily be packed in a large suitcase a long with a blow dryer, straightening iron, and curling iron. I am currently planning on buying all my toiletries locally, especially since Lush in Europe is even less expensive than in America (even after converting from euros to dollars). 

over and out.