I decided to go back and read my blog entries from when I was a senior in high school. During the process of reading the posts prior to this one, I realized how much I have given up since then. I used to read a new book every few days; I kept a journal of every quote in those books that inspired me. I used that inspiration to write poems, create art, and just think on a deeper level than I do now. College is so much more exhausting than I ever thought it could be. If I am not in class, doing homework, or working, I am sleeping or something equally idle because my brain just hurts. I so desperately want to be true to myself and delve back into everything I am so passionate about. I so desperately want to chase Jesus as hard as I possibly can but I feel like I am simply stuck. I feel like I am angry with school for consuming me and holding me back; I am angry with my education, something I am usually so incredibly passionate about. I need inspiration and I can feel Jesus trying to inspire me. Its time for me to just let go and stop trying to be in control of my life. Its time to let Jesus take over. Let Him heat back up the passion in my heart that has somehow chilled to room temperature in the past year and a half. Its time to let go of my anxieties, my worries, my plans for.. well everything. If I have learned anything, even in the past week, is that the life you plan for yourself, is almost never the life Jesus has in mind. He will flip everything completely upside down with the most seemingly inconvenient timing ever. But, it was perfect timing; I was comfortable being mediocre and that is simply not okay. Where I am going, I have no idea, but I know its somewhere great.
Matthew 6:31-34 (The Message)
30-33"If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.
34"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes."
over and out