About Me

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Boston, Massachusetts, United States
Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me... Anything can happen, child. Anything can be. Shel Silverstein

Thursday, December 30, 2010


Whenever Ethan and I first started dating, Thursday was the only day other than weekends that we were both free and could have some quality time. These Thursdays became known as Thursdates. We had a very wonderful date today and I thought I would share a photo journal of the day instead of a wordy explanation. :)

over and out.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

I will say it again: Rejoice!

My past blog entries have generally been focused on things that I have learned through God about how to deal with life. Although life throws A LOT of difficult things at us and God helps us through them, God also gives us incredible blessings as well. Praise, worship, and thanksgiving should be our focus when we relate with God. Of course we should go to Him with our issues and ask Him for guidance and the tools to deal with them but God isn't just our Counselor, He is someone we are in relationship with, our Father, our Provider. I always (try) to come to Him when I need help, but I sometimes (most of the times) fall short of coming to Him with thanksgiving. Here are a few examples of what I am so grateful to have been blessed with.

Answered prayers

In my post from a while back, One Minute Late, I ended with a list of dreams I had for myself to accomplish with God by my side.

1. Take any and every opportunity God puts in front of me
While, I can never be sure if I have taken every opportunity because frankly, sometimes I am just oblivious, I would like to think that I have taken more opportunities than I had before. One example, I have taken the opportunity twice to lead the talk during middle school youth group on Sunday mornings. This is something I normally would be very afraid to do and would have even avoided it, but I didn't let that get in the way and through the process I learned that I really love it!

2. To always be reading and learning
When I made this dream, I was so frustrated with school and was just being plain lazy. I wanted my zeal for life and learning back. I have since picked up multiple books, read newspapers/ magazines, and have fallen in love with reading all over again.

3. Eat healthy
This is something I am very proud of right now. I was an extremely healthy eater for a few years and then somewhere along the road, I stopped caring. Then, this summer I took it one step further and enjoyed the junk food way too much. I have gotten back into the swing of healthy eating and I don't miss the junk food at all! I don't deprive myself if I crave something, but I do limit my portion size of anything unhealthy I decide to eat. I have been taking a multivitamin everyday and honestly since I have changed my eating habits, I have seen an overall increase of happiness and a decrease in exhaustion. Junk food makes you grumpy!

4. Become a runner
Okay, so I didn't accomplish this dream. But sometimes you have to follow one dream to find your actual dream. I learned through trying to run that although I loved the physical exercise, I am simply not motivated to run. I have yet to find the perfect exercise for me, but I am currently looking into yoga or pilates.

5. Keep up with my blog
I feel like I am doing a pretty good job. I would like to get to the point where I am blogging more frequently.

6. Overcome my current struggle/ obstacle
All I have to say about this one is that God answered prayers and worked in my heart BIG time to heal and overcome this, and I couldn't be happier :)

7. Be patient with my education and learn to appreciate it again.
I barely made it through the last few weeks, days, hours, minutes, of my semester. But I made it and am definitely optimistic for next semester.

8. To keep dreaming..
Oh I definitely have some new and developing dreams, but that is best left for another post. (my first cliff hanger :P)

While of course these are only a handful of answered prayers in the last few months, they are great examples and touch on all different aspects of my life from fun things to serious struggles. As long as you reach out and ask with God-filled intentions, He will respond.


I have had mild anxiety my entire life, but it has definitely manifested itself since my junior/senior years of high school. God has without fail, given me peace every time I ask. And, I, have without fail, somehow forgotten that and allowed myself to be anxious when all I had to do was ask for peace.


My family isn't perfect and if your's is, then you aren't paying close enough attention. But despite our shortcomings, I couldn't love them more and I wouldn't trade them for the world. I have a wonderful father who has never been anything less than understanding and loving. Even when I have done something wrong, he corrects me, shows me the lesson, but then is right there by my side while I work through the consequences. My mom is my best friend. She isn't afraid to tell me the honest truth. When I am being stupid, she tells me. I hate it in the moment, but I couldn't be more thankful in hindsight. I wouldn't be the person I am today without her pushing me to be the best that I can be, that she knows and believe I can be. My parents are my biggest fans and I know that I am extremely lucky to have that. My brothers are so unique and awesome in their own ways and are growing up to be great, God loving men. Although we bicker, when it comes down to it, I know I will always have their support and love. They have become my rocks that I can depend on and when I am struggling, they are always there with open hearts and open arms. AND the wisdom that somehow makes its way out of their mouths past the teenage grumps and gripes and their silly and sometimes gross jokes, really, truly amazes me.


This is a blessing, but also still a prayer. I have been blessed with being surrounded by God loving people who have all become very dear to me, but because making friends does not come super easy to me simply because I seem to be very shy when I first meet people, I would love more opportunities to meet and start friendships with more God loving people.


My boyfriend and I have been through a lot in the past two and a half years, especially this past semester. Most of it was wonderful, but some was definitely a struggle. It has not only been a blessing to have him in my life, but a blessing that God used our struggles to bring us, as a couple closer to Him. We have both, since we have known each other, had strong faiths and we would occasionally go to youth group and church together. Although we were individually focused on God, our relationship was God honoring but not God centered. We now pray together; we discuss God together; we use scripture to help us through the tough stuff; we love each other the way God instructs us to instead of the selfish ways we want to; we are involved in ministry together as much as we can; but we also make it important to focus on our individual relationships with God as well. God has taught us the meaning of true forgiveness, patience, and grace and now we are truly stronger because of Him.

Education and Opportunity

Despite my shallow frustrations with school, deep down I am so gracious that I have the ability to study what I want to study and where I want to study. I have so many more opportunities than a majority of the global population and I am so very guilty of not appreciating it the way I should.

Gifts and Passions

God gives every single one of us spiritual gifts whenever we enter into relationship with Him. He uses those gifts along with our passions that He has programmed into us to do His work. I am incredibly blessed and thankful for the gifts and passions that God has placed in me. This is not because I think that I am uniquely or extraordinarily gifted, but instead because God made it (of course He did, He's perfect) so that we are uniquely talented to accomplish the things we are passionate about!

What are you thankful for?

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Philippians 4:4-9

Over and Out

Monday, December 27, 2010

Stand Up. Sit Down. Turn Around. Fight. Fight. Fight.

I wrote a previous post on letting go, but I have found that sometimes, letting go necessitates conflict. In order to open my hands to the joy God wants to give me, I have to let go of what I am holding on to, but to let go of what I am holding on to, I have to open my hands and reveal it. Keeping my hands closed may allow me to not deal with it, but it also prevents me from letting go and moving on.

Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.

Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say,

“I will take revenge;
I will pay them back,”
says the Lord.


“If your enemies are hungry, feed them.
If they are thirsty, give them something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap
burning coals of shame on their heads."

Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good.

Romans 12:17-21

Conflict is such a difficult concept for me to handle. It involves confrontation 99% of the time and because I hate confrontation, 99% of the time I am involved in conflict, the confrontation is directed at me. It makes me anxious because I have no idea how God wants me to act in that moment.

Do I:

Stand up for myself?
Sit down and take it?
Turn around and walk away?
or Fight, fight, fight?

Then, I realized, this isn't about me. What do I do for me? No. It's about God. What do I do to honor God in this situation?

I am to stand up for God.
I am to humble myself.
I am to turn away from evil.
I am to fight with the fruits of the spirit.

But what do these things really mean?

Standing up for God means standing firm in your faith throughout the conflict and always reacting in a way that is pleasing to God, even when it gets tough. God has promised that it will all be well worth it.

When people realize it is the living God you are presenting and not some idol that makes them feel good, they are going to turn on you, even people in your own family. There is a great irony here: proclaiming so much love, experiencing so much hate! But don't quit. Don't cave in. It is all well worth it in the end.

Matthew 10:22 (The Message)

You'll even be turned in by parents, brothers, relatives, and friends. Some of you will be killed. There's no telling who will hate you because of me. Even so, every detail of your body and soul—even the hairs of your head!—is in my care; nothing of you will be lost. Staying with it—that's what is required. Stay with it to the end. You won't be sorry; you'll be saved.

Luke 21:16-19 (The Message)

Humbling myself means putting down my pride. Don't make accusations, don't make assumptions. If I do something wrong, I should take responsibility for it, but don't force someone else to take responsibility for what they did wrong. Its not my place to judge and criticize; it is only my place to honor God even if that means setting aside my pride.

Don't pick on people, jump on their failures, or criticize their faults. (The Message)

Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. (NIV)

Luke 6:37

“You have heard the law that says the punishment must match the injury: ‘An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.’But I say, do not resist an evil person! If someone slaps you on the right cheek, offer the other cheek also. If you are sued in court and your shirt is taken from you, give your coat, too. If a soldier demands that you carry his gear for a mile, carry it two miles.

Matthew 5:38-45

Turning away from evil means refusing to participate in the game of revenge. As long as I am standing up for God and acting only in ways that honor Him, I will have no need to justify my actions. I have to continue to allow my pride to be the sacrifice for peace. My faith has to be strong enough to know that God will stand up for me. I am so thankful to Him, because standing up for myself is the tricky part. The part that leads to more conflict. He gives us the easy job of standing up for Him, the perfect one, and in turn He takes the burden of standing up for me, the imperfect one. I just have to trust Him enough to allow Him to do it.

Turn away from evil and do good.
Search for peace, and work to maintain it.

But the Lord will redeem those who serve him.
No one who takes refuge in him will be condemned.

Psalm 34:14, 22

God has provided us with the tools we are to utilize throughout our lives and conflict is definitely no exception. There is no way to avoid conflict and argument. It is a necessary part of life that serves itself as a tool to bettering our relationships with spouses, family, friends, co-workers, etc.. As long as we "fight" using the tools God has provided us, "fighting" can be a great way to grow and find solutions that bring people closer together. The fruits that I need to integrate more into my tool belt when arguing is patience, kindness, gentleness, and self-control. And, definitely faithfulness that the solution will actually better the relationship instead of my usual pessimistic assumption that it will simply happen again.

But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

Galatians 5:22-23

Okay so the conflict has been addressed, discussed, and solved. WHAT NOW?

Now, you can simply let go.

over and out.

Friday, December 24, 2010

Just for once, I want my life to be like an 80's movie.

Merry Merry Merry Merry Merry Merry Christmas everyone!

Christmas Presents:
1) Trip to Seattle to visit with my family :)
2) Franco Sarto dark brown riding boots
3) Camel colored UGGs with the three buttons on the side
4) a BEAUTIFUL crocheted blankey my Grammy made
5) a hanging jewelry display
6) really cozy pajamas
7) "An Education" DVD, What is the What by Dave Eggers and Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro (the book not the movie)
8) A very sweet looking homeless dog, Goober, got a donation in my name.
9) a University of Washington tee shirt (potential law school!)
10) a REALLY, super adorable head band/ ear muff thing that looks like this except in a golden yellow. It's going to be SUPER perfect to wear with my navy sweater to some of Ethan's (boyfriend) cold lacrosse games this semester!
11) A handy little journal (I love journals)
12) (Insert what my boyfriend got me here) We are doing Christmas on Sunday :)

So I flew to Seattle on Sunday and flew back yesterday. They were both about four hour flights. I must be one of the few people who LOVES flying, especially longer flights. I like to snuggle into my usual tradition of reading the stack of magazines I bought in the airport book store (usually one fashion, one music, one gossip, and one political), and watch a movie on my laptop. I rarely give myself four hours just to be by myself, think, and be completely cut off from outside distractions. I find myself caught up in thoughts and inspirations and I always feel rejuvenated. I watched "Eat, Pray, Love" on the way there and I basically just decided I need to do some traveling.. lots of traveling. And, I watched "Easy A" on the way home, which in all honestly was purely mindless entertainment, but enjoyable nonetheless. I found some really interesting things throughout my magazine reading that I thought I would share!

In NYLON, I realized how much I really love this new Maxi Skirt trend. I have been going back and forth between deciding whether the look was awesome, or a little matronly. But I definitely decided that I love it. Now all I have to do is find the perfect one and work up the courage to rock it! What do you think of maxi skirts?

Also while reading Nylon, I realized I want the Arcade Fire Album "The Suburbs." Enjoy the song "Wasted Hours" from that album here! I also want to see "Blue Valentine" really really badly. It has Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams in it and it looks so charming, in a dark romantic kind of way.

Speaking of Ryan Gosling, my favorite actress, Carey Mulligan and he will be staring in the "Great Gatsby" based on one of my very favorite books of all time by one of my most very favorite authors! If you haven't read it yet, or pretended to read it in high school but really didn't, you should!

In LUCKY, I learned of these new AWESOME jeans made by BLEULAB that are reversible! These are definitely on my "Wish I could have but I definitely cannot afford list!"

Also, in LUCKY, I discovered an awesome interior design book by Jonathon Adler called Jonathon Adler on Happy Chic Colors. It takes the colors that make you feel happiest (mine would be: muted tones) and shows you how to combine them in your home decor. SO cool!

I adore perfume, but whenever I used the last of my "Funny" by Moschino, I settled on "Sweet Pea" from Bath and Body Works. Don't get me wrong, I love "Sweet Pea" and am very happy to have that as my perfume, but I think it's about time to find a new one. Right now, I am eyeing this new scent from Chloe called "Love", a mix of orange blossom, pink pepper, hyacinth, talc, and rice powder is described as "super-feminine and totally irresistible." This would be another on my "wish but can't afford list."

Another cool thing that uses your sense of smell are "21 Drops" from www.21drops.com. There are 21 different scents titled as what the scents can do for you. For example, #21 is called "Inspiration."

In "The Economist," I read lots of articles, but a few caught my attention more than others. The article Iran's morality campaign: Watch Out! discusses the rising "morality police" that have tightened their grip since Mahmoud Ahmadinjad became president in 2005. I encourage you to go read the article, but some of the things that took me off guard as I was reading is that the morality police prevent unmarried couples from walking together in public, loud music in cars, and girls from riding bicycles. These social constraints are off putting enough to make citizens of Iran, especially people in my generation, to try to leave to a country that offers more social freedoms. Although I knew prior to reading this article that there are countries out there that severely limit personal freedoms, it made me wonder if I am truly thankful for the freedoms I have, if I utilize them, or do I just take them for granted. Do I fight for the freedoms I don't have? On the flight home, I decided to do everything I could to not be scanned by one of those TSA body scanners, and I managed to avoid it! Although a very small infringement on my 4th amendment rights and a very small fight, quarrel, squabble, to save what little freedom I would have given up by going through the scanner, it still felt nice to know that I didn't absent mindedly and uncaringly given up that little bit of freedom of privacy.

Another article, Air Power on the Cheap fascinated me. Basically, the military has realized that it is more cost efficient and more strategic to use basic prop planes instead of very expensive jet fighters, especially in guerrilla warfare. I won't give you a whole synopsis, if you are interested, you can read the whole article. It isn't very long.

The last article I will share with you is Does it Really Stack Up? It's an article discussing the costs and benefits of "Vertical Farming" which is basically a sky scraping greenhouse. Check it out!

I have never really been in to the whole Skyping thing except when my dad was on a business trip in the Middle East. But even then, we just did the instant messaging part. I learned just how useful and fun the video chatting can be when you are separated from loved ones for a long period of time. I chatted almost every night I was in Seattle with my boyfriend and it was just SO much better than talking on the phone. It almost felt like I wasn't 2,000 miles away! He is going to be mad that I shared this picture but he is just so handsome, I can't help but to be proud of my catch :)

Anyways, one night while we were skyping, I didn't want to say goodbye, so charming boyfriend made me a playlist on his itunes to fall asleep to. It consisted entirely of Iron and Wine (my favorite) and it made me miss listening to them all the time. So I am going to dedicate the music on my page to them for a while! Enjoy!

This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.

1 John 4:9-11

over and out and MERRY CHRISTMAS

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Let Go

"And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."
Matthew 28:20 b

God is with you. God is with me. Every moment of every day. How astounding it that? How wonderful is that? No matter how hard you push Him away, no matter the mistakes you make, no matter..anything, He will always be right there by you're side. He doesn't give up on you. God's faith in us is so great because we fail Him time after time, yet He is never stops believing in us and our potential to do His good. He never gives up loving us. Yet somehow, we can't keep our faith in God, the one who never fails us, never makes mistakes. Somehow, we question why bad things happen, why untimely things happen, why things that seem so perfect don't work out. We question what His purpose is for us, we question ourselves, we put ourselves (creations of God) down and tell ourselves we aren't good enough. And through all this, all we ever had to do was reach out and He would grab us. The simplicity of this just blows my mind.

As a side note, I think it is so important to surround ourselves with people who mimic God in this way. People who stand by our side despite everything. Who never give up on us despite situations, mistakes, and hard times. People who no matter how hard we push them away, no matter how many times we fail them, they still and always will believe in us. These are the people who truly love us.

I think the most uncomfortable thing that God is calling me to do currently is to move on so that I can move forward in His will without my baggage.
I need to remember that every time I feel self-conscious or unworthy, that God is right there. All I need to do is reach out to Him.
Every time I feel sad or hurt about something in the past, God is right there, waiting for me to fall into His arms.
Every time I may look backwards and wonder what could have been if I had taken a different path, I just need to turn around look to God and trust with with my whole heart that He will not fail me. Of course He will not fail me.

God wants us so badly to follow Him even when it seems like the most difficult thing in the world. He wants us, He wants me to step out of my comfort zone, stop looking backward, and move forward. It feels like taking that step will lead to nothing but falling flat on my face, but all He wants is me to have enough faith to take that step anyways. Faith that instead of falling, He will carry me the rest of the way.

Its like God has this wonderful surprise for us, and all we have to do is be blindfolded for a little while and trust Him to lead us to our surprise. To close our eyes and open our hands.. but we can't receive what He has to give us until we drop what we are currently grasping way too tightly.

“Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.

See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland.”

Isaiah 43:18-19

"Don’t be afraid to keep moving on,
For what was before, now has gone,
God wants to accomplish so much more,
But we need to move forward in the Lord."

© By M.S. Lowndes

over and out

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

I just got home from a wonderful dinner/ discussion with my boss and his wife. Side note: I couldn't be more blessed to have them as mentors in my life. (That rhymed!) Anyways, we were on the topic of romantic relationships and also friendships and Kirk (boss) used the story of the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32) as the model upon which we should all follow in all our relationships. I could go into a huge long description and analysis but instead, I will keep it short.

1. We can't be the younger brother who believes that love must be earned through action.
2. We can't be the older brother who expects love despite our shortcomings.
3. We must strive to be the father who loves unconditionally (through grace) despite how the love is returned and let that unconditional love be what motivates others to reciprocate their love to you rather than your own expectations and demands.

This is difficult because:
1. As humans, our first instinct is to be selfish and make it our priority to get what we feel like we deserve before we give back.
2. It makes our hearts vulnerable to give away love knowing that we may not get it in return.
3. Even though we may start loving "unconditionally," its difficult to not get bitter or upset when loving "unconditionally" doesn't provide us with the results we expected

To succeed we must:
1. Stay focused on God through the process since he of course is our ultimate model. We must pray for the ability to give grace which takes patience. It also means that we must rely on the perfect love of God and not our own. We must see the person we are in relationship with (familial, friendly, or romantic) through the eyes of God rather than through our own flawed vision.
2. Trust the other person with our hearts. We can only do this adequately if we are in constant communication and focus on God because that feeds our faith. A strong faith in God is vital to trust others with our heart because with that faith, we can have total comfort that God will protect it no matter how the other person treats it.
3. Realize that all epically wonderfully things in this world come with difficultly. You have to work really hard at it and endure hard times. That's why relationships are a commitment, a commitment to unconditionally love the other person even and especially through the hard times. That's what makes it so beautiful.

Let WIKIHOW teach you how to love! It actually speaks some good advice :)

Love is both an action and a feeling. The action of love generates a blissful feeling called by the same name. When the action stops, the blissful feeling is replaced with pain. Every person is capable of great love (and its opposite, fear, which generates all painful emotions such as hate, greed and jealousy).

I greatly appreciate that WIKIHOW defines the opposite of Love not as Hate, but as Fear. This is so true because everything that prevents you from completely and totally unconditionally loving another person through grace is the fear that you will get hurt in the process. If you trust the other person with the power given to you through your faith in God's protection, then fear is absolutely unnecessary and subsequently also anxiety and jealousy. (The things I struggle with the most)

I feel like sometimes we (or maybe just me) read bible verses about how we should love one another and think "yes, I should be loved that way" and whenever I don't get loved that way (due to my own inability to practice what the verses say), I get upset and hurt and feel like I am not being loved the way I deserve. Instead, I should read the verses and only be concerned about applying them to how I love others. How others should love me should never be of concern. The question should be "How can I love better?" instead of "How can I be loved better?"

Here are three of many many verses I personally need to start reading with that first question in mind:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.
Romans 12:9-12

Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace.
Ephesians 4:2-3


Over and Out

Sunday, November 7, 2010


Okay so I know that I haven't blogged.. in SO LONG. Butttt I decided to tonight :)

As those who have seen me in the past week know.. I chopped off ALL of my hair. I have always wanted to do it and almost did it my junior year of high school but I couldn't go all the way and ended up with an awkward cut that just was a pain in the but to make look cute. I have had everyone ask me why I did it and I haven't really come up with a good answer but I guess I can try a little harder..

I saw the movie "Wall Street" staring Carey Mulligan and her WONDERFUL haircut brought back all my pent up desires for short hair.

and then it should grow out into something a little like...

I didn't really tell anyone or ask anyone's opinion before I did it. I just made the decision, talked to one or two people, and got it cut that day. Its been a whole week and I am still adjusting to it and I haven't even cried once about it. Most girls cry when they cut off their hair, and I usually do to.

1. A lot of change has revealed itself in my life lately and a physical change to represent that seemed appropriate as well.
2. I feel like I am really starting to find out who I am as a person and even though I don't necessarily think that the "newly found me" can only exist with short hair, but changing it so drastically did serve to push me out of the comfort zone of my previously unsure self.
3. I wanted to see if I could pull it off.
4. I seem to always want to cut my hair once it gets to be pretty long. I guess its just angst.
5. Long hair is "sexy" and "sexy" makes me uncomfortable.. I much much much prefer cute.
6. This is really the last time in my life that I can pull off this short of hair. I want my hair to be really long when I get married and its going to take me at least 2 years to get my hair back to where it was.. (1 year back to my collarbone) And not that I am planning to be married by then necessarily, but that's the age when it is possible.
7. I want to build my self-esteem based on who I am, not on what I look like. I hid behind my hair, and clothes, and makeup to make myself feel comfortable with who I am and stripping myself of one of those elements will definitely push me to rely on my character.
8. I have been trying really hard to not live in fear, especially silly fear.. like what people think. Should I cut my hair, something I have always wanted to do? No? Because some people might not like it? That's ridiculous number one because its for me, not for them and number two, the people I want to surround myself with will love me for who I am and not what my hair looks like. And number three, it might just look fabulous!

1. I haven't seen my natural hair color since 7th grade and now its back!
2. I LOVE growing my hair out... until it gets long
3. All the above under "Reasons"
4. I feel more.. chic?
5. I am more unique appearance wise
6. SO easy to do. My "get ready" time was more than halved
7. My hair doesn't get wet when I get in the hot tub

1. The attention. Everyone commenting on it and asking me questions is only natural but it makes me so nervous. The first few days after I got it cut, I was so anxious to leave my apartment, not because I didn't like it or want people to see it, but because I knew it would cause a lot of commotion. But it has died down a lot
2. I look silly when I wake up in the morning. I have never really experienced "bed head" until now. I have learned how to manage it though with headbands. Which brings me to...
3. Until I get 100% used to it, I am going to undoubtedly feel a little less feminine when I look in the mirror based solely on the fact that I haven't adjusted to it yet. So until then, I have found a whole new appreciation for headbands. I LOVE them.
4. I can no longer get away with not wearing makeup or cute clothes, BUT I am sure once I get used to it short, that I won't necessarily feel that way anymore.
5. The fake "it looks so good!" I know that some people genuinely love it but I also know that a huge change like that is a shock for a while and you can't love it until after that shock period is over. I understand that they are just trying to be sweet and I definitely appreciate it but I also know that a lot of people don't like short hair. I knew that when I got the hair cut and I am not going to assume that everyone is going to love it. I know some people will hate it. JUST BE HONEST.. nicely :)
6. Despite loving the change and excited about having fun with short hair, just knowing how long it will take to make it long again is overwhelming.
7. It's taking a while to learn the best way to style it.

Oh. and PS: The new Taylor Swift Album "Speak Now" is. so. awesome.

over and out

"Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let
God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.
Then you will learn to know
God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect."
Romans 12:2

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Things I've learned.

This is going to have to be a quick post since I need to leave for school soon!

Quick overview of the past few days:
I got my hair cut
I made a raggedy ann costume for halloween
I learned that popping balloons with a razor is harder than one would think
I am really good at black jack.. or just lucky
That waking up from naps is one of the more difficult things to do
I learned how to be a "dazzling" friend
I learned what a "dazzle" is (go look it up!)
I think I did well on my french test
I am always hungry
I love love love Taylor Swift
Gas prices are ridiculous
I love halloween, thanksgiving, and christmas and here it comes!
I learned that life is anything but simple
That I can have a positive impact on someone else
Also learned that sometimes you have to admit that you are wrong
I have big decisions to make!

I'll have a longer post tonight!

over and out.

"Kind words are like honey--sweet to the soul and healthy for the body." Proverbs 16:24

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

one minute late.

I woke up this morning at 9:01, one minute later than I had intended to wake up. I panicked knowing that because I hit snooze, I potentially wouldn’t have woken up in time.

I am currently blogging from IHOP! So this post will probably be a little all over the place sense I am a little distracted.

Anyways I want to start off with a TO DO list:

1. Run daily
2. Read “A Reason for God”
3. Go grocery shopping
4. Clean my room
5. Study/ homework
6. Meet with my advisor

I feel like I have a lot more to do than all of that, but whatever.

I unfortunately didn’t get to start “A Reason for God” today but I will definitely be starting it tomorrow.. after I run, have my meeting, and do all my French homework.

Today in French, I learned how to say “I would like a diet coke.”
“Je voudrais un coca light.” BUT right now, je voudrais un café au lait!

After class, I went straight to work, took a little half nap and then did some preliminary studying for my South East Asia quiz in the morning. I know everything except Timor, Bali, Java, and Sulawesi.

Work today (I work as an intern for the Youth Pastor at Lake Hills Church) was. So. AWESOME. While we were setting up for the kids to get there, Whitney, Caleigh, Josh, and I danced around and even did some Thriller. Then when Caitlin and Hannah got there, we watched some entertaining videos and had some great laughs. I learned that my shirt is actually green and not blue. BUT the most awesome part of the night was worship, Kirk’s talk, and our small group. Somehow God keeps tying everything in my life together to the point of actively and deliberately pursuing Him and His will. We have wrapped up our series “Live Love” tonight. The series was basically about loving others actively, to go out of your way to illustrate to others that they are loved. This deliberate kindness has proven to take hold of our students’ and leaders’ hearts and transformed them into loving to love. Tonight, Kirk talked about how even though we will be moving on to a new series, that Live Love should continue. That even though going out of our way to love on others was something new and was/ is exciting, that we need to push through the transition from new to normal so that eventually it will just become natural. This reminded me about how I just committed yesterday to running and how right now its new and exciting, but soon I will get to the point where I don’t want to do it because its difficult or just a hassle. But if I stay committed and push through that, then eventually running will just become a natural part of my life. Today, I didn’t run because on the program, it is a rest day. I did, though, park extremely far from my classes and walked a good 40 minute round trip from my car to my classes. Tomorrow I have committed to running between getting home from class and going to my meeting. I am going to be running by myself, so I am a little nervous about holding myself accountable but all of this inspiration to take opportunities and figuratively and literally run with them will keep me going. I would really love for running to become a time that I can focus on and spend time with God, enjoy the world he created, and let Him fill me up with drive and strength to just keep going. Day by day, minute by minute. I want the exact same thing for my life. I need to make the commitment to live entirely for Jesus, get off my butt and start each and every day, enjoy it, and let God guide me and fill me up with His strength instead of my own when things undoubtedly will get difficult. My strength will fail every time, but His strength gained through faith and prayer will push me through until its simply natural.

The next thing Kirk talked about was a wonderful metaphor about dreams, sleeping, and the snooze button. Basically it’s natural to have dreams and aspirations. What’s not natural is actually taking action to make them happen. God will take you there as long as you put on your tennis shoes and take the first step and trust Him all the way. Kirk talked about how we can’t put our dreams aside and just go back to sleep.

“Don’t go back to sleep. Don’t roll over and hit snooze.”

“There are consequences”

The consequences don’t really have anything to do with us, but not accomplishing the dreams that Jesus has for us, will prevent all of the awesomeness that could happen through us from coming to fruition.

“Some are content to dream dreams. Some would rather live them.”

“Don’t sleep through your dreams.”

Its time to wake up and place my dreams in the hands of God and commit to having faith to allow Him to lead me, step by step.

My dreams right now:
1. Take any and every opportunity God puts in front of me
2. To always be reading and learning
3. Eat healthy
4. Become a runner
5. Keep up with my blog
6. Overcome my current struggle/ obstacle
7. Be patient with my education and learn to appreciate it again.
8. To keep dreaming..

Here are some quotes/ scriptures that really made me think today:

Jeannie Hampton… “Don’t let life be another word for endurance.”

Caleigh Wilson… “It’s so easy to settle for B’s and coast through school even though you could work a little harder for A’s. The same applies to life; God wants so much more for us to settle for a B life when we could accomplish an A life through Him.”

“Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we don’t give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.” Galatians 6:7-10

“But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12: 9-10

“I woke up this morning at 9:01, one minute later than I had intended to wake up. I panicked knowing that because I hit snooze, I potentially wouldn’t have woken up in time.” I feel like I woke up from my life one minute late today as well, panicked that I almost let my dreams, Jesus’s dreams, pass me by. You know how when you realize you almost woke up too late, how you are completely awake within a split second, fling your covers off of you and get ready four times as fast as you normally do? Well I hope and pray that’s how we will all awake to chase after Jesus every morning.

Over and Out.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Nobody gets to watch the parade.

I did it! I finished "A Million Miles in a Thousand Days" and you guys, wow, it is beautiful. BUT before I talk about it, I want to first talk about my day! It was so hard for me not to blog all day but now I am so glad that I can just spill everything at once.

My classes were miserable, but not because of the classes themselves, but because of something I was dealing with during and between them. I won't get into details because its not really relevant but basically God is working in my heart on a certain issue and He is still unfolding what direction He wants me to take. Either I had a huge moment of closure or a huge moment of whatever the opposite of closure is. ANYWAYS. After class I went to lunch with my daddy which I always love doing. He took me to Gumbo's downtown and we talked about business and life and God and basically just figuring out who I am. Awesome.

Then, I made the best decision ever to go to Book People. I spent a good hour and a half there pouring over books and reviews and summaries trying to figure out exactly what my next read should be. Before I discuss my purchases, I would like to digress a bit. I cannot express how much I love reading and how much I miss it. I can't even comprehend why I stopped. It is by far one of the most comforting, beautiful, and inspiring activities I have ever done. After finishing my book, I am so inspired and fired up about life and Jesus. But anyways, here's what came home with me from Book People.

I got a pack of 3 little notebooks that resemble moleskins but are paper covered (and cheaper!). They are now my inspiration journals to put quotes from books I'm reading or just anything that strikes my fancy at any given time!

Next, I got this book that is called "Manifesto, an Anonymous Novel." It intrigued me because its a blank cover, with no title, no author, no chapters, no nothing but raw story. I don't even know what its about... yet.

My final purchase was "A Reason for God." This was a suggestion from my boss/ friend and also something that stimulated quite a few meaningful discussions about Jesus recently. This will be my next book; hopefully I can start it tomorrow!

The last book in the picture is actually the one I finished tonight (if you can't tell by the title!)

Then, after I got home from Book People, it was almost time to go running with Caleigh, Whitney, and DeAnn. Something I have been meaning to do, basically always, but I have rarely had to motivation, conviction, and commitment to do so. Whitney and I committed to the opportunity last night and I can not be more thankful. The run was not easy, but it also wasn't that difficult either. I felt comfortable and within my abilities the entire 45 minutes/ 3 miles! I was left invigorated and excited to continue on the program. I say this very very rarely, but I am so proud of myself!

After the run, we grabbed a Jamba Juice and I came home to read!

SO about the book! I don't want to delve in to deep because I want everyone to read it! Its basically a book about how to live a great story. It has left so much conviction and desire/ passion for Jesus in my heart, I could about explode! (If you couldn't tell that already by my excess of exclamation marks!!!) The meaning gleaned from this book will obviously be slightly different for everyone and also will change over time with its application to life but as of right now, I believe that its about actively and deliberately pursuing opportunities and letting God change my life through them. There will be extremely difficult and painful times in each and every opportunity but that it what changes you the most and what makes those changes so beautiful. I would love to share how it applies specifically to my life, but I simply haven't had the chance to apply it yet. So for now, I want to leave you guys with all of the quotes that really stayed with me (and are written in my inspiration journal) and hopefully that will inspire you to grab the book.

"Good stories don't happen by accident."

"No girl who plays the role of a hero dates a guy who uses her. She knows who she is. She just forgot for a little while."

"Joy costs pain."

"The character has to jump into the story, into the discomfort and the fear, otherwise the story will never happen."

"Progress, no matter how slow is all that matters."

"If you want to know what a person's story is about, just ask them what they want."

"It made me think about the hard lives so many people have had, the sacrifices they've endured, and how those people will see heaven differently from those of us who have had easier lives."

"You become like the people you interact with. And if your friends are leading boring stories, than you probably are too."

"Your story is what gives you character."

"We shouldn't be afraid to embrace whimsy."

"The reward you get from a story is always less than you had thought it would be, and the work is harder than you imagined. The point of the story is never about the ending, remember."

"You didn't think joy could change a person, did you? Joy is what you feel when the conflict is over. But its conflict that changes a person."

"There is no conflict man can endure that will not produce a blessing."

"You can't go on without a story any longer than you can read a book about nothing."

"She said she had married a guy, and he was just a guy. He wasn't going to make all her problems go away, because he was just a guy. And that freed her to really love him as a guy, not as an ultimate problem solver."

"When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are. And when you stop expecting material possessions to complete you, you'd be surprised at how much pleasure you get from material possessions. And when you stop expecting God to end all your troubled, you'd be surprised how much you like spending time with God."

"Good stories contain memorable scenes."

"I think God wanted us to build altars for our own sake, something that would help us remember, something we could look back on and remember the time when we were rescued and remember the time when we were given grace... We have to force ourselves to create these scenes. We have to get up off the couch and turn the telvision off, we have to blow up innertubes and head to the river. We have to write the poem and deliver it in person. We have to pull the car off the road and hike to the top of the hill. We have to put on our suits, we have to dance at weddings. We have to make altars."

"It wasn't necessary to win for the story to be great, it was only necessary to sacrifice everything."

"A good storyteller doesn't just tell a better story, though. He invites other people into the story with him, giving them a better story, too."

"Nobody gets to watch the parade."

over and out.


I wanted to finish reading Don Miller's "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years" last night andddd I did not. So I am not allowing myself to post again until I have finished. But first I have classes and a run this afternoon to get through! I will hopefully be posting about finishing it soon!

over and out

Monday, October 18, 2010

ma vie est moyenne

Je veux lire au lieu d'étudier le français.



Song of Solomon 87
Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away.

1 Peter 4:8
Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins

1 John 3:18
Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth

Ephesians 5:25
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Genesis 29:20
So Jacob worked seven years to pay for Rachel. But his love for her was so strong that it seemed to him but a few days.

Proverbs 3:3
Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart

1 Corinthians 16:14
Do everything in love.

1 Corinthians 13:6-13
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.


Revelation 21:4
He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.


Romans 12:2
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is -- his good, pleasing, and perfect will.

favorite things.

Romans 15:4-5
And the scriptures were written to teach and encourage us by giving us hope. God is the one who makes us patient and cheerful . Pray that he will help you live at peace with each other , as you follow Christ.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Fresh Start

I decided to go back and read my blog entries from when I was a senior in high school. During the process of reading the posts prior to this one, I realized how much I have given up since then. I used to read a new book every few days; I kept a journal of every quote in those books that inspired me. I used that inspiration to write poems, create art, and just think on a deeper level than I do now. College is so much more exhausting than I ever thought it could be. If I am not in class, doing homework, or working, I am sleeping or something equally idle because my brain just hurts. I so desperately want to be true to myself and delve back into everything I am so passionate about. I so desperately want to chase Jesus as hard as I possibly can but I feel like I am simply stuck. I feel like I am angry with school for consuming me and holding me back; I am angry with my education, something I am usually so incredibly passionate about. I need inspiration and I can feel Jesus trying to inspire me. Its time for me to just let go and stop trying to be in control of my life. Its time to let Jesus take over. Let Him heat back up the passion in my heart that has somehow chilled to room temperature in the past year and a half. Its time to let go of my anxieties, my worries, my plans for.. well everything. If I have learned anything, even in the past week, is that the life you plan for yourself, is almost never the life Jesus has in mind. He will flip everything completely upside down with the most seemingly inconvenient timing ever. But, it was perfect timing; I was comfortable being mediocre and that is simply not okay. Where I am going, I have no idea, but I know its somewhere great.

Matthew 6:31-34 (The Message)

30-33"If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.

34"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes."

over and out